Our New Normal

 

 

As life returns to its normal pace of "non-stop" with work, school and sports, I realize there is so much happiness around me that could be so easily overlooked.

 

It would be simple for me to sink into depression, dwelling on all that we've been through...but God didn't place me here on this earth to endure the tragedy of burying our twin boys and then give up. If that were the case, I think He would've taken me when He took Cannon and Coyt. Just like He had them here for a purpose, He still has me here for one.
 
I've tried to figure out what that purpose is, annnnd I still don't know. But what I do know is that we may not have a lot to live for here on this earth, but while on this earth, we must realize we have a lot to live for in eternity...and not only for ourselves. How we handle what's handed to us will impact those around us for Christ.

 

I want others to see where my strength comes from. And to understand that without God's strength,  I would fail miserably in glorifying Him.  Thats all I really want...to glorify Him. 

While I do have many moments of heartbreak and weakness, God has allowed the moments of strength and perseverance to overshadow and that's what I want others to see. 

 

Cause of Death
A few weeks ago we met with Cannon and Coyt's doctor to review their autopsy reports. I still haven't fully processed the many obstacles that our babies were faced with. My goodness, there were so many.

 

First off, the placenta wasn't fully functional from the beginning. There were several closures (especially on Coyt's side) where oxygen and nutrients was restricted. To add to the problematic placenta, Coyt only had a 40% share while Cannon had 60%.

 

We were basically told that the fetal surgery procedures didn't do anything for them. Their little bodies were already so sick prior to the TTTS diagnosis. In addition to all of that, the list goes on to describe some of the challenges they faced: ruptured liver, no bone marrow, severe brain damage, abnormal heart function, enlarged organs...just to name a few.

 

I was disappointed. From the beginning it seemed as though they never really had a chance at life. But what they did get was a chance to meet their mommy and daddy, grandparents, and aunt Layla- and to feel our deepest love for them. With all that was wrong with them, it truly was a miracle that they lived through delivery long enough for us to hold them and give them back to the one who created them. I guess I can still call them my miracle babies.

 

About Me
I'm doing really well.

I am surrounded by the love of my husband, and our extremely supportive family.

 

I am back to work full time and couldn't be more thankful for the co-workers that surround me and encourage me.

 

I jumped back into school and will graduate in July.

 

I haven't fully stepped back into ministry, but I'm getting there. I am grateful for the godly ladies that I get to walk through ministry with. I certainly miss my amazing group of girls who love the Lord and want to serve Him.

 

Gary and I, along with Cross and Crue, have never been closer as a family and have come to accept and enjoy our new normal. Crue told Aunt Layla that we have a family of 6. Cross talks about what he thinks Cannon and Coyt are doing in heaven. They love their baby brothers and we talk about them all the time.

 

Thank you for loving our family and for allowing us to keep Cannon and Coyt's memory alive. :)

 

Our first look at the headstone.
Cross and Crue brought the boys an
Easter basket and we read Heaven is for Real.